The Adventures of US History Class
by Ron and Harry
Summary: Narcissa helps Sasuke -clean up- his act and other adventures. Special guests Miley Cyrus and various characters. Updated whenever I feel like it.
1. Miley Cyrus had a sip of her brandy

**This is what Veronica (Luna) and I (Harry) do every day in US History because our teacher doesn't really do much. Lol. **

**Updated daily.**

"Luurp... I made a dooky..." Sasuke cried, running to Naruto.

"Ohhh it's okay honey," said Naruto holding Sasuke to his chest. "I will get Narcissa Malfoy to clean it up w/ her tongue." he said.

Narcissa walked in at that exact moment, Sasuke's stench filled the air and Narcissa teared up and ran to cut herself.

"COME BACK HERE!" yelled Naruto as he chased her down and shoved her face in the dung.

"EAT IT!" he shouted. She protested physically, but mentally she craved the taste of Sasuke's last night carrots and corn. At first she dipped her tongue in and lapped up the gooey substance. She orgasmed (lol Veronica's nasty)

Naruto lol'd as Sasuke cried out. He missed the feeling of Naruto's muscular arms around him.

Naruto ran back to Sasuke and dried his eyes. Narcissa just finished her gourmet dinner when Snape came in, his eyes greasy with tears.

"What's wrong?" Narcissa asked, taking him in to her arms.

"Sasuke stole the rest of my shimmering crimson red diapers!! And I bought them specifically from and they cost me a fortune!!"

Narcissa killed him gently. She knew Lucius would be okay w/ it cuase they had threeways all the time.

"It's okay." She said.

She had a flashback of the threesome between Lucius, her, and their one and only son Edward Cullen. Her orgasms rocked her world and she almost died of pleasure 7 1/2 times that morning. Narcissa's gaze landed on Naruto, and she had the desire to eat a kangaroo. Instead she ate a pureple and green newt, which was missing a toe because her ex-husband Dumbledore stole it from her.

Narcissa cried in wanting of her son Edward Cullen, feeling the familiar resurfacing of feelings for her ex Dumblefedore. Snape held her and stroked her hair in fomfort. In his arms she knew everything was going to be alright. She was safe and he was her sanctuary. Snape looked at her romantically.

"La palabra miedo no está en me vocabulario. No - está en tus ojos." (1)*

With each Spanish syllable he spoke a spasm of pleasure coarsed through her body.

"My love, you're so sexy," she smiled.

He stared coldly at her. "The word fear is not in my vocabulary. No, it is in your eyes."

She knew he loved her. But the love was a forbidden one, laced with lies and deception, she could never bring herself to love him the way he loved her. It was too dangerous, too painful, too risky. Oh god, how she wanted to love him. She pressed her long thin hands against his chest and pushed away.

"What is wrong?" He asked.

"I can't love you, Severus. I love another."

His eyes clouded over with darkness.

"Lucius?" he asked. Narcissa let out a sob and shook her head.

"It is not Lucius I love... it is... it is... BELLATRIX!"

Snape's eyes widened.

"Your sister?"

Narcissa nodded.

"That's fucking hot."

Narcissa wiped away her tears and looked at him.

"I'm sorry, Severus."

Snape looked backat her, he was sad, he wanted her even more than Lily Potter, almost as much as James Potter. But he still loved her.

"You can just leave her, and we can runaway and chase the rainbow. Taste the rainbow."

Narcissa shook her head, "it's not that. I can't leave her... I love her, Snape, and I..." she sobbed again.

Snape rubbed her back. "Ssshhhhhh... what is it Narcissa?"

She shook her head and dried her eyes.

"I'm pregnant with her child Severus... and I'm gonna name him Draco Malfoy. We've already decided... I'm sorry..."

Snape sighed.

"I hate to be the one to tell you, but Bellatrix is in love with me also. I think we should have a threeway relationship. it is the only thing that will work."

Narcissa smiled through her tears - he could always make her do that - and said "okay."

- While Narcissa and Severus were busy having a raging threesome with Bellatrix, Naruto and Sasuke called Superman and Kakashi. Superman was eating his wife and Kakashi was eating a hero sandwich. Kakashi and Superman looked at each other and they swiched foods.

They both got AIDS from the sandwich and excessive diarrhoea from the girl. They pooped.

Superman shouted to the night in agony. The AIDS tore him apart inside and Kakashi hung his head down in shame. He never should have given that sandwich to Superman. It was all his fault that Superman got this disease.

Miley Cyrus laughed cruelly and took a sip of her brandy.

Milo Thatch returned from Atlantis with Kida in tow, he placed his crystal to Superman to heal him. Little did they know that his crystal was really Kryptonite and he died.

Oliver and Lily laughed and took a sip of their brandy.

*(1) That's the summary to an actual fanfiction, but it's in Spanish. Jsyk.

And if you get offended by the AIDS thing... sorry I guess. But lighten up. :)


	2. Miley Cyrus took a sip of her brandy

**This is updated every day that is not a weekend of a test. **

**So if there isn't an update that means it's a weekend or we had a test.**

**Cause tests take up the whole period. Or on test days we would post ones we wrote in Chemistry, but it's harder to do that in Chem cause we actually do things.**

Sasuke turned on his Sharingan cause he was mad. Itachi pulled out a bazooka from his man purse and blew up Sakura. Sasuke killed himself out of sadness. Everyone was happy because he sucks. Itachi laughed evilly, turned into a legit wolf and ran off into the night. Edward Cullen stood in the moonlight hoping he would sparkle because he is a moron and forgot he sparkled in sunlight not moonlight. Joe Jonas says it is ELEVEN O' CLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now here's Draco Malfoy with your Black-U-Weather forecast.

"It's raining sideways!" he yelled in honour of Ron.

Narcissa cried because Draco wasn't even born yet.

Bellatrix Lestrange started break dancing naked in mud. Narcissa joined her, while spinning on her stomach she pooped Draco out and he started tap dancing.

Joe Jonas giggled and cooed at the sight of him, he skipped toward him and ate his umbilical cord like a mushroom (LOL LIKE THAT MANGA)

Kim Jong Il shot through the sky because he is an Asian with smoke coming out of his feet. Itachi jumped in the air and bit his head off.

Mily Cyrus laughed and took a sip of her brandy.

Snape discoed all through the night.

"Keep on with the force, don't stop."

He looked into the sky.

"Don't stop till you get enough."

He thought of Kim Jong Il.

And he cried.

He cried and cried his greasy tears until he died in his own greasy riner (? Veronica your handwriting is illegible). Harry used the grease to cook bacon and eggs. He choked and threw up corn.

"Corn? I didn't eat any corn! What the hell?" He charged at our teacher and ate him.

Luna spread her wings and flew into the night. She felt invincible, nothing could touch her when she was in the euphoric state of pleasure as Matthew McConaughey made swet love to her. The people didn't want this. They elected me.

James Madison was up doing his midnight appointments when an owl tapped at his window. It was holding a letter. He looked confused but he took it and read it.

_Madison, James_

_¡Excellente! _

_Invitamos uds ir a la escuela de Hogwarts. Necesita los libros, ropa y un animal. Llega a estación de trenes a la primera de septiembre a las once de la mañana._

_Gracias,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

James Madison threw it out for he did not care for Spain and their irrational demands for money, and continued with his midnight appointments. He wanted power.

Harry snuck into Jame Madison's office that night. He was just sleeping and he just got done watching him slumber. He went through his garbage like every night. In there he found a shiny red thong and a Hello Kitty folder.

"Blasphemy," he whispered fiercely.

He dug his hand in again and that's when he saw it. A crumpled piece of paper.

"What is this blasphemy?"

He opened and read the letter.

***

"OMG I'm a wizard!"

Little did he know, that the letter was meant for Madison. He squeaked in delight and jumped out the window he snuck through. His long dark purple wings tore from his back. He was a Harpy and a wizard.

Little did he know that Rick Astley was watching him from the shadows.

He pooped, and Draco cried.

Somewhere, faraway, some Spartan king kicked a black guy with many piercings down an endless well.

The Spartan's voice echoed through the night: "THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!"

Then he pooped.

Yugi was following Kuribou around town, his stomach was rumbling and he wanted to eat a kangaroo but instead he ate a newt that had a tow missing because his ex, Dumbledore stole it from him.

Lily and Oliver laughed and took a sip of their brandy.


	3. Miley Cyrus consumed a sip of her brandy

**This was written in Chemistry because we had an icky test in US History. **

**AND GUESS WHAT? TODAY IS LUNA'S BIRTHDAY SHE IS TURNING 16!!!!!!! EVERYBODY SAY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY~~~!**

Harry soared high in the sky. Up there he felt powerful fast and invincible. From up there he could see the majestic school of witchcraft and wizardry. He slapped his purple wings in excitement, once, twice, three times and he was now soaring over the deep black lake.

The lake splashed up into Hermione's face as Harry dived in. She was looking over the lake thinking about her life and love... her love for Alastor Moody. Her love for him was so strong. Then Hagrid came up to her.

"Hey Hermione what is troubling you?" he asked.

"I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE ME BACK!" she angstily yelled.

Hagrid walked away because he was too occupied, thinking about the turban guy Professor Quirrel and how much he loved him.

Hermione dried her body with dry leaves like an Indian.

And she cried, cried and cried.

And she pooped.

Hagrid looked up at the moon. He decided he needed to move on with his life. Hermione was a gorgeous girl. And she was sad. Which meant she needed comfort. Jackpot.

"Hermione..." he said as he came back. "I was thinking... you're sad and I'm sad. We should go on a date to talk about our sadness." he said. She looked at him with her pretty brown eyes. Normally they were warm, exuberant, sparkling with love. But as they looked at him they were cold with hatred.

"I don't love you, Hagrid." she spat.

Miley Cyrus laughed cruelly and took a sip of her brandy.

Hagrid got mad and picked Hermione up, throwing her over his shoulder. He stalked to his cabin.

***

Harry made it to the castle, soaked to the bone from diving into the lake. He had hot smex with one of the ugly mermaids below. Her name was Gwendolyn. He thought of her and he cried.

Her scaly vagina will haunt him for life. He was hungry and wanted to eat a kangaroo but instead he ate a purple and green newt that had a tow missing because his ex, Dumbledore stole it from him. Then the wind blew really hard and a car alarm went off for some reason and everyone laughed. Harry went to find his lovers Fred and George.

All the way to the chicken pen where he kept Hagrid who was his turkey vulture (wtf?) he started to think about Fred, George and a scaly vagina. He imagined Fred and George laying on their back surronded by chicken crap and feathers, their body spazzing when he helped them climax. Their eyes and mouths half open, a pleasureable scream or moan escaping them. He could feel his erection press against his pants, he could already imagine their pleasureable voices rining in his ears, their nails digging deep into his back, their legs wrapping around his waist tighter and tighter everytime he thrust into their anus deeper and deeper... and he cried.

He thought of Luna Lovegood and how beautiful she was. He wanted to jizz in her mouth.

At that moment he finally reached the chicken pen, Luna Lovegood out of his mind. But what he saw didn't make him want to jizz in his pants. No it was Hermione (written as Hermophobe on the paper lol) and she was clutching onto the little fabric that remained on her body. She was sobbing, "lurp"

"Hermaphobe! What happened to you? More importantly where are my lovers?"

Hermione sobbed again.

"Nerp! I'm pregnant!"

**That was beautiful.**


	4. Miley Cyrus ingested a sip of her brandy

**Let's recap on the last chapter cos I KNOW THERE WAS AN EPIC CLIFFHANGER**

**"Nerp! I'm pregnant!" ok**

**Oh and tomorrow I won't update until late because I always do things on Fridays so Fridays means late updates or if I'm tired no update till Saturday morning. And no update Monday cos of Columbus Day. Lol look at me announcing this as if anybody cares lololol ok**

"What? Who is the father?" Harry asked. Hermione looked at him with teary eyes.

"I don't know!" she sobbed out. She fell to the floor in tears as Texas annexed itself from the United States.

Harry nodded in understanding, he too was pregnant before, ignorant of who the father was. He only found out it was Hagrid a month and a half ago.

His shoulder squared, "Hermione, has Hagrid ever carried you on his shoulders to his cabin?"

Hermione nodded, yeah... why?"

"Did he tear half your clothes off and rape you?"

"Yeah" Hermione let out a sob.

"I think I know who it is then..." Harry said, proud of himself.

Hermaphobe's ears perked to attention, "who?" she asked.

"Neville Longbottom." he said. Dun dun duuuunnnn...

Hermione cried. She was not worthy to bear his child.

"You are not worthy of the offspring of the great BAMF Neville Longbottom. Therefore you must be obliterated." said Harry as a bolt of lightning struck down and hit Hermione to smithereens. Slytherins.

Miley Cyrus laughed cruelly and took a sip of her brandy.

Narcissa lay in bed panting. She just finished making love to Snape. Bellatrix drowned in the mud so she had Snape all to herself.

"Narcissa..." said Snape sweetly kidding her neck.

"Yes my love?" she asked snuggling to him.

"I am not going around kissing girls in the cafeteria."(1)* he said.

"Good to know." replied Narcissa.

"One more thing my sweet princess," Severus added blushing a bit. Narcissa turned on her side to face him.

"Hmm?"

"I'm... I'm pregnant.. and Bellatrix is the father."

Narcissa gasped. "NOO!"

Snape sobbed. He hated seeing his Narcissa be hurt. It made his blood boil. Narcissa smiled and his heart fluttered.

"No matter. We shall take this child and raise her to be a fine witch or wizard."

"Oh my dear I am so glad that you aren't mad at me." said Snape putting his hand over his stomach in a loving way. Everything in his life was perfect. No. Not everything.

"Wait a minute, darling." Snape said as he got up and went over to the computer. He went on youtube and typed in the search bar "theronandharryshow". He watched all their videos. He commented, subscribed and rated. And he was happy. (lololol subliminal advertising DO IT!!)

Luna's boob vibrated.

Narcissa smiled and opened her arms.

"Come back to bed, Sevvy." she said. And he went into her warm welcoming arms and felt at peace.

"THE MANIFEST DESTINY!" Draco shoued, skipping through sixteen years like it was a day. He was now sixteen and a Star Wars fanatic. He was talking to Crabs and Gonorrhoea. (I think she means Crabbe and Goyle?)

"EXCEPT YOU HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE YOU'RE INTRODUCING STAR WARS!"(2)*

Gonorrhoea jumped at his booming voice.

"MAZELTOV!"(3)* Crabs shouted, whipping out his penis and hitting Gonorrhoea with it.

Draco made out with Harry.

"Mazeltov on being gay, Harry." said Draco.

***(1) Some girl in our class said that really loud and while I was writing that and we lol'd.**

***(2) Our teacher was saying that. Don't ask.**

***(3) On the page where this is written it says MAZELTOV in really big letters.**


	5. Miley Cyrus drank a sip of her brandy

**Lol all weekend I couldn't find Friday's chapter... and I found it today yay so two updates today. And that makes up for the fact that I am not going to school Thursday cause I need blood-work done sooooo no update Thursday. Like anybody cares.**

Bill and Tom Kaulitz interupted the little session by busting in and shouting on how homo it is to make out with someone outside your family.

Harry agreed and flashed Uncle Vernon into Hogwarts, and gutted him, just because he can. He thought of his button... and he cried.

Snape looked up to the sky.

Harry took Uncle Vernon's body, now considerably lighter cause it was gutted, and he hung it on his wall. To remind him of all the pain he suffered in his childhood. And all the obstacles he went through. And his victory.

As a part of the rebellion he understood what it was like to be a true warrior. He fought for his country and still Obama won the election.

Obama also won the Nobel peace prize this year. And he cried. Itachi ran his tongue over Karen's supple breast. Oh god how he needed to penetrate her. He needed to be inside her pumping faster and faster until she screams his name. But he couldn't do that now. Karen was pregnant right now with his child, and only caressing her was as far as they dared to go.

Karen moaned.

Declaration of Independance

(1836)

Delegation to the people of

Texas

Karen whined, he knew she wanted more then just a feel. But she would hate him forever if he gave her what she wanted.

Snape burst in, ruining the moment. Severus had a tango dress on and his hair was dripping in grease. And he cried.

Peter Pan burst in and pulled Snape out.

"Never Hook!" he shouted, kicking him out the window.

Itachi giggled.

Karen moaned.

Hook is played by Jason Isaacs. Harry jizzed.

Luna was officially declared creepy because she makes Harry cry during History of Magic.

Dumbledore changed things around and turned Hogwarts into a military dictatorship. He trained all the students in combat and they took over the ministry. Dumbledore eventually took over the whole entire universe.

His albums topped the charts and his single "I'm Not Okay" debuted at number one. But behind all this success was a troubled man.

"Sometimes he would get very withdrawn," stated his ex girlfriend Minerva McGonagall. "He would get withdrawn and angry."

Looking into her eyes I could see the pain and despair.

Miley Cyrus laughed and took a sip of her brandy.

On his first album "Dumbledoreium" his next best song "A New Element Is Formed" guest stars Rick Astley, who we all know RickRolled half of the population of everybody.

Now to our black-u-weather here's Spencer... a black dude. (1)

"IT'S RAINING SIDEWAYS!"

"Now to the weekly- *static* wait... what? OH GOD! Are.. are you serious... ?! ALERT! ALERT! THERE'S A GIANT FAT BRITISH RED HEAD EATING OUR HEADQUARTERS AS WE SPEAK! EVERYONE RUN! Besides you, Diana... you stay here and pack my make up..."

***(1) lol a black kid in our class **


	6. Miley Cyrus sipped a sip of her brandy

**ALL DA FINGS U SED**

"Mazeltov!" Harry shouted that morning. Ron burped... Diana tasted mod good. Luna knocked on the Peter Gryffindor door (what?). Harry opened it to let her in. Luna was holding a picture of Harry naked and in chains.

"I had a dream about you Harry..." (this is a true event that happened today)

Harry licked his lips.

"Where do you keep THE SPOONS?" Ron asked.

You'll never make me stay

So take your weight off of me

I know your every move

So won't you just let me be

I've been here times before

But I was to blind to see

That you seduce every man

This time you won't seduce me

She's saying that's ok

Hey baby do what you please

I have the stuff the you want

I am the thing that you need

She looked me deep in the eyes

She's touchin' me so to start

She says there's no turnin' back

She trapped me in her heart

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, no

Dirty Diana

Let me be!

Oh no...

Oh no...

Oh no...

She likes the boys in the band

She knows when they come to town

Every musician's fan after the

curtain comes down

She waits at backstage doors

For those who have prestige

Who promise fortune and fame

A life that's so carefree

She's says that's ok

Hey baby do what you want

I'll be your night lovin' thing

I'll be the freak you can taunt

And I don't care what you say

I want to go too far

I'll be your everything

If you make me a star

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, no

Dirty Diana...

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, no

Dirty Diana...

Diana!

Diana!

Dirty Diana!

It's Dia...aa...aa...ana!

She said I have to go home

'Cause I'me real tired you see

But I hate sleppin' alone

Why don't you come with me

I said my baby's at home

She's problably worried tonight

I didn't call on the phone to

Say that I'm alright

Diana walked up to me,

She said I'm all yours tonight

At that I ran to the phone

Sayin' baby I'm alright

I said but unlock the door.

Because I forgot the key.

She said he's not coming back

Because he's slepping with me

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, nah

Dirty Diana, no

Harry slapped Ron in the face. Calhoun.

"Ron you bastard stop eating everything!" he snarled. Ron started to cry and Harry looked disgusted. "Fat piece of shit." Harry said then walked off.

Hermione came in with her big pregnant belly taking up space. It was as big as Ron's head because Ron is fat. Then Lelouch of the REBELLION came in and threw up. He ust finished reading Full House fanfiction where Stephanie committed suicide because she was in love with her Uncle Jesse.

But it was understandable because Uncle Jesse is a god and he is a sexy god... probably the God of sex... Sexsse... (LOL)... Stephanie is ugly.

Lelouch of the REBELLION wasn't really throwing up because of the badness of the fanfiction... it was because... he's pregnant... with Matsuda's child!!!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!!

"This world is a beautiful place," Ronn " think god for all I've been given," Lelouch of the REBELLION!! (idk what she was trying to do here?)

Miyavi stepped out of the bathroom, toilet paper stuck to his heel. He struck a pose for Tyra Banks.

Tyra Banks forgot to shave last night so she looked like a yetti... because she's Dutch... and all Dutch look like yettis. loloolol notracistorareweWHOKNOWS

General Zachary Taylor at Pald Alto!

(insert a picture of a stick figure bowing down to another stick figure w/a really big penis)

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end it so the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it.

Draco Malfoy listened to the catchy song and related the lyrics to his life. He did find a good way to spend his hundred and four days of summer vacation. His grandmother's underage sex ring.

Tyra Banks sent Lelouch of the REBELLION home because during the first weeks of competition he was great but his performance was dropping, and she didn't see a model standing in front of her. So he went back to the house, packed his things, and left.

Miley Cyrus laughed and took a sip of her brandy.

Tempted was Harry to get on his knees and suck the Weasley twins dry a second time. But they refused... it was his turn to feel pleasure.

They stripped off his banana thong and his two large womping penises sprang out. No... not his two penises... his utter. They both took in two at a time. Instantly he released his precious cum-milk into their awaiting mouths.

He broke his leg.

...

Holy shit.


	7. Miley Cyrus washed down a sip of brandy

Emos are only standing in the way of our country's growth and evolution.

So are goths... like Hermes. She's goth. She even dyed her hair to look like cherry cola...

She wears black eyeliner and black lipstick, and lacy Victorian dresses. SHe listens to goth music like Marilyn Mandon and Green Day. They are gothic.

"It's pretty nipply in here," said Dean (Martin no jk)

"Yeah" said Ginny. Dean looked over and thought about the Mexican wars.

Calhoun.

Ionic Bonding (M & NM):

Harry ran in waving the Fruits Basket manga in the air. The gothic Hermaphobe ran up to him and slit his wrists... Harry thought of his father and he laughed. Donna is a lumberjack just like our teacher.

Convalent Bonding (e- between NM and/or M):

Suddenly, Hermaphrodite was falling in a spiral of her own depression. All the pain she felt in her past just hit her in that one instant.

In that one painful instant, she fell in love with Harry Potter, the man she couldn't have because he was gay and she was a lesbian. She knew it would never work.

Harry dropped his pencil and walked away.

Herpes ran to the fallen pencil. Harry Potter touched this pencil with his hands. She blushed and looked around. When she saw nobody looking she shoved it in her pocket and ran to her bedroom. it was empty besides Crookshanks. She did pleasureable things to herself with it.

Just as she came, Ginny walked in.

"Hermafro?" she asked. "What are you doing?"

Herma looked up at her, and Ginny started to cry tears of blood.

Hermaphone laughed cruelly and waved her contract in the air.

"This is failure on paper!" she screamed.

"B-but..." Ginny cried tears of butter. Hermambulance chuckled seductively and curled her fingers in Ginny-talia's direction. Tears of urine fell from her eyes (lol). She walked over and crawled on top of Hernando.

As they had lezzo sex, Miley Cyrus laughed cruelly and took a sip of her brandy.

Hermohorse, Queen of the Herm dynasty and the Hermonese people lifted her arms and a tidal wave rose behind her, sweeping away Ginny and everybody but Harry. They stood facing each other in one of those vast desert plains where Dragonball Z fights usually happen.

"Harry..." Hermoplant looked up at him. In his sparkling green eyes, she saw despair.

What do you want for dinner tonight? Let's order Hermonese. Yeah okay let's do that. I want an eggroll and spicy pork chicken.

"Hermosexual, this won't work out." said Harry. He looked over at the waves crashing on to the shore. Her tears spilling down her cheeks as she said goodbye. And with a gust of the wind he blinked and she was gone. Harry looked up, a storm was overhead, and he should probably get back to the cabin.

He thought of his pet gopher and cried with grief.

Snoop Dogg looked up at the greasy sky. It was raining bacon and his eyes swelled with grease. Luna stepped onto the balcony of his room. She was wearing cabbages and turnips around her neck and on her ears.

Through the falling bacon he could hear hundreds of footsteps from thestrals eating from Hagrid's garden.

Hermosaurus was chasing them, flailing her arms in the air. She caught up to them and drank their blood, like the vampiric caveman that she was.

He looked back at Luna, pencils and paper hanging around her neck and on her ears. She was such a crazy girl. But that's what he loved about her. I mean, there's fucking toilets around her neck and on her ears for god's sake!! She opened her teeth but nothing came out... besides a couple of rats... then she pooped and he cried.

Chilld Willy the Penguin flapped it's wings at a picture of Robert Pattinson doing the tango with Billy Ray Cyrus.

**We love xXxHaRrY-RaDcLifxXx**


	8. Miley Cyrus inhaled a sip of her brandy

**Luna wrote this all by herself while I was out Thursday. So this whole thing is written by her.**

Panting heavily, he ran down the first corridor he could. It was dark, and deserted... but still he ran. His footsteps reverberated around him. There it was, the Gryffindor common room. He would be safe there.

Suddenly, his footsteps were no longer the one ones echoing. These were faster, larger, louder.

Tears were falling from his eyes. He was a boy but he couldn't help it. Who knew... it really DID exist, and in Hogwarts.

Almost there! Almost safe! He shouted in his mind.

Just a couple of more fe- oomph!

Something latched around his ankle and he fell face first to the ground. Like anyone would, he turned to face him... biggest mistake of his life.

Those eyes... those wretched purple eyes...

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

***

"That was the fourth disappearance this week." Ron stated.

Harry ignored him. "That was the fourth disappearance this week." he said.

"You're right, Harry..." Hernando said leaning back to give her new twin babies, America and Mother England, more access to her supple breasts. Harry was used to seeing her breast feed them. But he never DIDN'T enjoy it.

She tapped her chin in thought... 'What is Snape's child doing?'

Freddy interrupted her thoughts. "Let's go investigate, gang!"

Daphne, Velma, Scooby and Shaggy nodded in agreement.

Kisame took a bazooka and killed them all.

Miley Cyrus laughed cruelly and took a sip of her brandy.

Suddenly, the lights went out, and the crystals on the chandelier rattled.

The portrait of the Fat Whore was forced open and a pair of bright purple eyes appeared.

With only the moonlight to see, Chilly Willy the Penguin gasped at the sight.

Tentacles shot from the intruder and wrapped around Chilly Willy the Penguin, Kisame, America, Mother England, and Katie Bell and dragged them away. Their screams echoed around the room, then disappeared.

(Insert a picture of Superman chained up)

"Where is my pancreas?" the voice, so deep and wine rich asked.

Ron, harry, and Herancreas shook their head.

"I'll ask again... where are my vas deferens?"

Again, everyone shook their heads.

A growl was heard from his direction. Suddenly, the eyes approached closer and closer. It stopped right outside the line of moonlight.

"One last time... WHERE ARE MY TESTICLES?"

Again everyone shook their head and Ron whimpered a bit.

Another growl and a single foot stepped passed the line of moonlight. Then another, a built chest and buff arms. And finally a beautiful feminine face with LONG black curly hair.

"N-Narau?" Hermalicious asked. He didn't have time to react, Harry pointed his feather duster wand at him and shouted, "fingleschnapper-sham-wowpupermicklepieProfSnapedeadsexgodlover!"

In the next instant Naraku was chained to the walls. Robert Pattinson jumped out of nowhere, naked and glimmering in the moonlight. He raped Naraku and he died from looking at Robert Pattinson's nasty chest hairs and dememnted nipples.

Vegeta busted in and then killed everyone in sight.


	9. Miley Cyrus downed a sip of her brandy

**We wrote this in chemistry yesterday. Yay.**

Harry was crying. Everybody in the school was against him. They thought he was lying about being a boy. Why couldn't they understand he was?

Okay, just because he has glimmering green eyes, and luscious red lips... and just because he grew out his hair so he could look exactly like Bill Kaulitz, doesn't mean he's a girl.

Hermonatree stepped from behind one of the surrounding pillars. She was breast feeding America and Mother England... again... Snape was following close behind, breast feeding Sephiroth of the Rebellion.

Sephiroth, never being a memory, got his paper in the newspaper for charity work. Harry cried because nobody made fun of Sephiroth for looking feminine. When he told Ron this, he said it was because Sephiroth would kill them.

"Well I can be scary and kill things, too." said Harry one night as he and Ron sat by the fire. He felt so right here... spending time with Ron.

At that exact moment he had an EPIPHANY! He would become a scary feminine goth dude. He would even cast a spell on himself so he could have one giant black wing.

LiF = Lithium Flouride

Katie Bell stalked into the Peter Griffin-dor common room.

"TIMMY IS AN AVERAGE KID AND NOONE UNDERSTANDS, MOM AND DAD AND VICKY ALWAYS GIVEN HIM COMMENGS (BED TWERP!)-"

"No! You can't do that, Katie! That's Nickelodeon's song!" said Harry.

"B-But..."

"Shh... just shh.." Ron told her, "You're ugly so it's understandable."

Harry laughed and went to his potions classroom. That's when he noticed Seinfeld Season 2 on Professor Snape's desk. He sat down next to Draco Malfoy, who had a plate of chicken fries.

"Draco, god damn it, you can't have a plate of chicken fries in Potions class." he said.

"Shut up I am a gangster!" yelled Draco, eating chicken fries and researching slavery in the 1800's.

"You know who I think is going to get herpes?" asked Draco, munching on the chicken fries.

"I don't know, who." said Harry, bored.

"I think your mom will get herpes."

"My mom is dead."

"Well then your mom will get herpes from Satan."

"..."

"..."

"You're a dick."

"I know."

Harry Potter ran towards Malfoy and ate the slavery papers and spilled his fries.

Then Draco cried.

Snape walked in holding the first season of Seinfeld.

"Okay, you pathetic shitty class of mine, while I'm in the back fucking the hell out of my son Sephiroth, you guys will be watching a movie."

He popped in the disc.

Repo! The Genetic Oprea started playing.

Throughout the entire movie this was heard:

"Oh! Oh! Father deeper!"

"Oh Sephy... you're so wet and tight~~~"

"Oh Father!"

"*splurt*"

"Father... can I carry your child?"

"*swish of greasy hair and a nod* Yes."

The movie ended.

**Yes we're sick :)**


	10. Miley Cyrus absorbed a sip of her brandy

**LOL sorry for not updating in forever. I've been too lazy to type up the chapters. **

**This is one of only two chapters, because the week we started writing this we started watching a movie called Glory, and Morgan Freeman was in it and he's distracting and delicious. **

Kate Gosselin looked up towards the majestic castle. She was excited because today she was starting her first year of Hogwarts.

Her schedule was texted to her by Dumbledore.

1 Defense Against The Dark Arts

2 Study Hall

3 History of Magic

-LUNCH-

3 History of Magic

4 Potions

She also checked her Yahoo! Account and got an e-mail from McGonagall saying she got accepted into the sorority of Gryffindor. She was so excited. Then she saw an Asian man.

'Mmmm I want to have eight kids with him...' she thought.

Maybe nine for good luck... but no I'd be like Luna's mom who's now almost broke and had to marry an albino and work at KFC. So eight kids will be good.

She ate dinner next to a kid with a scar on his head. She thought he was hot but not as hot as the Asian. He was a Gryffindor also.

The little kid with the scar looked like a boy but she looked closer and he was really a girl... with her X-Ray vision she could see her boobs and a vagina.

She turned to her, "Hello... I'm Harriline Potter!"

"Hey Harriline," She said. "My name is Kate Gosselin." she smiled.

"Don't you think that Asian kid is cute?" Harrilina asked. Kate's face darkened.

"Bitch please, he's mine." she said. Then she and Harriline got into a catfight. Herpes shot Harriline in the booty and she fell in love with the ugly chick next to her Ronny. She started making out with Ronny while she dry humped the house elf Dobby.

Now Kate was free to do whatever she wanted. She went to Jon and said

"Hey sexy."

Jon looked at her and said, "sup beautiful." then they made eight babies and had many marital issues and were in the eyes of the media.

Miley Cyrus laughed and took a sip of her brandy.

Meanwhile, Hermosaurus Rex was sitting in Professor Snape's office. She was trying to get Snape to stop sending her love letters.

"It's not ethical," she started, sipping some tea. "I'm a new mother in high school. I'm missing out on everything."

"Stop quoting A Secret Life Of The American Teenager." Snape said back.

"Well stop sending me love letters."

"Fine."

"FINE."

He growled seductively and jumped on her. She giggled and they had another baby the next day. Cause Herlice is a super freak.

Black people started marching down the hall, choking on dust.

_He is Layel, king of the vampires, a master seducer no woman can deny. But since a rogue horde of dragons killed his beloved over two centuries ago, Layel has existed only for vengeance... until he meets Delilah. _

_Wary of love, the beautiful Amazon wants nothing to do with the tormented vampire. Yet there's no denying their consuming desire everytime he nears her. Neither trusts the other - nor can they survive alone. For in an impossible game ofthe God's devising, they've been trapped on an island, about to face the ultimate challenge: surrender to the passion that will bind them forever... or be doomed to an eternity apart._

_"A world of myth, mayhem and love under the sea!"_

-_New York Times_ best selling author

J.R. Ward on _The Nymph King_

Harry killed his recently found sister after she stole the book "The Vampire Bride" from a locked trunk from beneath his bed. He thought of his button... and he cried.


	11. Miley Cyrus choked down a sip of brandy

**hehe this is last weeks, cos we started watching another movie right after we finished Glory. It was distracting and gross... some guy got scalped... but on the bright side the lady who plays Sookie from True Blood was in it. **

Thank you for being a friend.  Travel down the road and back again.  Your heart is true,

You're a pal and a confidant.  And if you threw a party,  Invited everyone you knew.  You would see the biggest gift would be from me  And the card attached would say,  "Thank you for being a friend..."

"Death to all rich people"

Katie Bell just got finished writing her DBQ Essay for the History of Magic class. She didn't do well, so she knew she failed, but she didn't care, she didn't put much effort into it. All she could think about was her button... her poor, poor buttom.

Oh button oh button

Oh

Where have thou fled?

Did the tarry too long amongst

fabric and thred

did they roll

off

my

bosom and cease

to exist?

oh how I wish I could

Follow thee

Into

The

Mist

A single tear rolled fown her cheek. Right now she was holding the "Twilight" book in her hand. She know what happened to her button... she dug her nails into the cover of the book. Edward Cullen stole it from her, and she intended on getting it back... no matter what the cost.

Join Katie Bell on her mission to get her button. With her friends Fred, George and DJ Lance, it's never a boring day! And if you call now, get a free Snuggie! Just pay shipping and handling! Every single treaty that was signed by Native Americans was broken by the federal government. Every single one.

Harry suffered a severe heart attack and ended up in the Magical Hospital of the Freaks with the Weird Scars On their Forehead, also know as (MHFWSF)

Harry lay on his cot, a tear running down his scorched cheek.

Maximum Ride burst through the window, followed by Angle, Fanoy Iggy (? Veronica get new handwriting plox), Gazzy, Nudge and Bill Clintom close behind.

Dumbledore blew them up cos he was so sad that Pierre died.

Miley Cyrus laughed crulled and took a sip of brandy.

At Harry's funeral, they played Nickelback. Harry's spirit killed them all. As Herm-chan watched all her friends die, litle tears in the form of Nicolas Cage's head fell down her face.

Veronica, am I the only one who smells pot?

No, Emily you are not.

Steven this kid in our class, spiked his hair in a weird mohawk fashion. The gel he used kinda makes his hair look blue.

Jesus sent Harry's soul to Hell and he raped a Siren.

Hermophobic cried tears of blood, like Marni from Repo! The Genetic Opera for Harry.

The devil played his hand,

"He can't read my poker face!" Snape ran in.. interrupting Satan, Voldemort, and God's game.

Sephiroth followed close behind.

Because he likes being behind Snape.

It seriously smells like pot in here. Balls.

"Sing to me! Sing to me my child! Let the darkest nights be turned to day and the scarred one in my arms be slain!" Snape sang as he poured marinara sauce all over Harry's penis and licked it off.

Edward Cullen sat in History of the Night with Bella Swan. She was not only beautiful in a simple way... but she was also a hooker. Right now they were sitting next to the teacher, listening to the teacher's dreary voice.

"Okay tramps, we're gonna watch a slutty fucking whore of a movie... it's shitting called Bury My Heart At Wounded Fucking Knee..."

Emily, my ex husband in the way back shouted "I was in that movie!"

Everybody just stared...

**That last part really did happen, but without the vulgarities. **

**It seriously smelled like pot in the classroom that day.**

**And Repo! The Genetic Opera is an AMAZING movie.**


End file.
